


Random Crackfics

by Pom_Rania



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chopper would make a good darksider, Crack, Gen, Ghosts, I guess? Maybe?, because that's a good way to get characters talking to each other when one of them is dead, karaoke is a fate worse than death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:10:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pom_Rania/pseuds/Pom_Rania
Summary: I randomly select two characters and a dialogue prompt, and write something based off of that.Originally an alternate way of celebrating April Fools Day, one that didn't involve pranks, but this is fun and I want to keep going.





	1. Seventh Sister + Pryce

The Seventh Sister (or rather, her ghost) hovered hesitantly beside Ahrinda Pryce. “Are you sure?” she asked. “We don’t have to.”

Personally, she hoped that the living woman _would_ decide to go through with the plan; but if it wasn’t going to happen, it was best she know about it early, so she could find someone else. (It was amazing how much death crystallized one’s priorities; Maul, her killer, was beyond her reach, but Seven hadn’t before realized how much of a grudge she had against her indirect superior.)

Pryce gave a thin controlled smile. “No, you had a good idea,” she said. “I am aware of the disdain in which the Grand Admiral holds Lord Vader, for having the Emperor’s favour despite not delivering the victories which Thrawn does. There will be no repercussions from him, if a ‘rogue stormtrooper’ decides to paint humorous slogans on Lord Vader’s TIE. I have just the person in mind to take the fall; and after I have observed all the consequences and reactions, I can decide if it would be beneficial to take the credit.”

If Pryce had had even a lick of Force sensitivity, Seven mused to herself, she would have been a _terrifying_ Inquisitor.


	2. The Presence + Chopper

She was centuries old. Maybe millennia old, as the calculation of years had apparently changed at least twice since she was created. (Politics did not concern her. She was above their petty games.) She held realms of untold knowledge, no longer forbidden because it had been forgotten; in the right hands, it could destroy worlds and change the course of history.

She was being irreverently juggled by an obsolete sadistic giggling droid with no knowledge of who or what she was, only that “the organic” didn’t want the droid to do that.

She had heard of the droid. Ezra Bridger mentioned him often enough, as a being who made him angry. Ezra Bridger had some darkness in him, enough that she would, with work, be able to nurture that into a source of power; but the droid, well, the droid was _composed_ of malice.

“I wish I could hate you,” she murmured, as she was dropped to the floor with a _clank_.


	3. Tristan Wren + Vult Skerris

“How about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?” Tristan Wren said, trying to make his voice shake. His Plan A depended on the other man not realizing anything was wrong. (There was nothing wrong with Plan B or Plan C, and Plans D through H were acceptable; but if he managed to pull off Plan A, he would have _so much_ bragging rights.) It would never have worked if that pilot knew anything about Mandalorians; but then again, the Empire had never cared about Mandalore.

The pilot – Tristan thought he was called Skerris, and had to grudgingly admit that he was incredibly skilled at piloting a TIE – shook his head, and steadily advanced. They had both seemingly lost their weapons in the fight and the chase, but while Tristan still had a holdout blaster and other more unconventional tools, Skerris had grabbed a blaster from its display shelf to use, which was now pointed at Tristan. “No negotiating with traitors!” he spat, and – _wait for it wait for it YES_ – pulled the trigger.

Tristan would never be the artist his sister was, and he knew that. He still had an artistic streak of his own, if in a somewhat different way. As Skerris pulled the trigger on what he had assumed to be a normal blaster, paint shot out – not from the muzzle, but in the opposite direction – and struck him in the chest; while at the same time, the “grip” revealed itself to be the business end of a stunner. He sank to the floor, unconscious.

The only external reaction Tristan made to that was a twitch of his lip, but inside, he was screaming. Really, it should have been obvious: the display shelf was even labelled “ceci n'est pas un blaster”, _this is not a blaster_ , and the pilot fell for it anyways! He couldn’t _wait_ to brag to Sabine all about this.


	4. Bendu + Kassius Konstantine

The Bendu can appear for anyone. He isn’t limited to Force wielders; that would be ridiculous, he is much too powerful for that. There are three things to remember, though: a) the Bendu would rather sleep, most of the time; b) the Bendu can make someone forget that he ever talked to them; and c) the Bendu is kind of a jerk.

He didn’t particularly care about the ships orbiting his planet. They were annoying, and loud, but he wasn’t going to directly do anything against them. Not only would that require getting up (he was comfortable where he was dammit), but it was something the Jedi Knight wanted him to do, which he wasn’t going to do out of sheer spite.

Still, if there was a perfect opportunity.... He rifled through the human’s mind. Kassius Konstantine. Bit of a glory hound, and he projected that onto others. The Bendu could clearly predict what was going to happen, and now he had a way to get rid of two ships at once.

_Come on, let’s throw the dice, see what happens,_ he cajoled, speaking directly into Kassius Konstantine’s mind. _You know better than that blue man, he’s just trying to get all the credit for himself._

The resultant destruction pleased the Bendu. It didn’t matter which side they said they were on; that would teach those damn kids to be so noisy when he was trying to sleep.


	5. Fifth Brother + Darth Vader

All of the Inquisitors knew that Lord Vader had a sense of humour. It was just that it was a very _dark_ sense of humour, and his intonation never changed. To play it safe, they just always assumed he was being serious. Being glared at through his mask (how _did_ he manage to do that) was infinitely preferable to what would happen if they acted like he was joking when he wasn’t.

(Some would say that the Inquisitors had greater safety from Vader than the rest of the Empire. Those people were wrong. If somebody who was not a member of the Inquisitorius displeased Lord Vader, they would simply be killed. There were worse things than death, such as – they all shuddered whenever somebody so much as thought about it – _karaoke_ , and that punishment was reserved for Inquisitors who screwed up.)

The Fifth Brother very carefully did not sweat under Lord Vader’s attention. Dealing with Sith lords had a lot in common with dealing with wild animals: never let them know you’re afraid. “It was him,” Lord Vader intoned, pointing – _not_ at Five, thank the Force, but at the Inquisitor next to him. “He stepped on my foot.” And now Lord Vader was speaking directly to Five: “Deal with him.”

“Yes my Lord,” Five immediately responded. He wasn’t sure how serious this was; but he had never liked that other Inquisitor, anyways. He would _never_ inflict karaoke upon another person, no matter that they had done, but going through vacation pictures was another matter altogether.


	6. Sabine Wren + Bail Organa

Bail Organa had no idea how the young Mandalorian had managed to slip past his defences. He could only count himself lucky that she seemed more interested in screaming at him than attacking him.

“You lied to me,” she announced, leaning forward and placing her hands on his desk. (He had lied to many people, many times, about many things; he wasn’t sure what she was referring to. Somehow, he didn’t think that saying that would help the situation.)

“You said that the weapons shipment was lost in transit,” she continued. “I remember it very clearly, _Sorry Sabine I know you wanted it but these things happen_ , and then what do I hear from AP-5? Weapons shipment directed to another cell!”

“Uhhh....” Okay, this was worse than he’d thought. There was absolutely nothing he could say in this situation that wouldn’t make her angrier at him. _Never get between a Mandalorian and their explosive toys_ , he remembered Obi-wan once telling him; and Obi-wan would have known, with his experience. If even a _pacifist_ Mandalorian had been like that, he could only imagine how much trouble a decidedly-not-pacifist Mando would be.

Bail Organa had an angry woman in front of him, and he had realized that nothing he could say would help. He was also a married man, and some responses had been ingrained into him. “Have some chocolate,” he blurted out.


	7. Marida Sumar + Ahsoka Tano

Marida Sumar didn’t know what to think. She’d been having a stressful (incredibly stressful) time lately, and it only made sense that she’d get weird dreams from it. But this wasn’t the type of dream that she would expect. 

First of all, she was lucid. She could realise that it was a dream, and the situation was ridiculous, and that almost never happened with her. Secondly, she didn’t recognize the other person.  In her dreams, there were only two types of figures: people she knew or had known, and faceless characters who weren’t supposed to be anyone in particular, only a type. The togruta woman fit into neither category. 

Beyond that, Marida had a feeling that the togruta was behaving in such a manner – trying on clothing like a little child playing dress-up, singing lines from unfamiliar songs – to make the situation feel dream-like. And then that led her to believe that it wasn’t a dream. Oh, she wasn’t awake either, but it was something else, and therefore probably something important. 

The togruta had somehow managed to get a skirt pulled on top of her… whatever those things were called, that stuck up from her head, with blue and white stripes. Marida groaned. “Just take it off,” she sighed. “You don’t need to keep being ridiculous, I already know that I’m not dreaming.”


End file.
